Right Here In My Arms

we are at it again, yelling,
we are both wishing this wasnt happening,
we weep together, but we are so far apart.
i wake each day, looking over at you, this man,
this man has grown so much. before i leave each day,
i kiss you, i kiss your cheek, i lay beside you,
i hold you, i know i wont see you till late that night.
so i share a moment with you, by myself, for my smiles.
once its time for me to go, i kiss you, then i head to the door,
turn around and kiss you again.
if love isnt there, this feeling will remain unlabeled,

i find myself lost in you, your happiness.
i work around the system to put you, us, on top.
the sacrifices we have made for each other are beyond the damage that is done,
we traveled cross country for each other, to be happy.
weekend spent in the car, with smile on your face, its was bliss to me.

i have lied, cheated, and stole for you,
i didnt ever have a care of what could happen by the actions i have done,
as long as a smile was placed on your face, it was worth it.
i loose myself, in those thoughts you hate,
but still, you try to distract me,
those witty ways about you. they pull me in.

i sit here, lost is this beautiful past we had,
i look at us now, its dark, its lonely.
im searching for all the puzzle pieces,
but it seems like someones been hiding them from me.

its so scary to view my days without you there,
those little moments we have, that we share.
just a little smirk over something that only we know.
or the way i get when you do your magic tricks,
how proud and whole i feel when i hear about your grades from school,
these dreams you have, they are mine too,

i break down to fast with the thought of you leaving,
to look at you, and see you mean it,
i just cant care about anything after that.
it all means nothing.

i dont want to fall apart this time,
couldnt bare to lose this hope,
your the only one -
that if ten items lined up know which one i would pick and why,
your the only one that knows my weird little habits,
such as i know yours,
how i love to watch you,
to watch you as you get that spark, the one when you draw,
when you know you have it, and it will be nothing less the perfect.

where ever i am,
you there with me,
you helped build me,
this ground wouldn't be this solid-
if you didn't lay the cement and pave it,

we may not be alike, but that is whats keeps us strong,
we learn from each others interests, and knowledge,
we build that bridge to meet each other,
to relate with one another,

my words dont always come so easy.
its hard to see the good in things,
when its always so dark.

things are looking up, we have this dream,
we can build it if we want.
but no matter what, will i back down from my commitment to you,
i said i am with you in this, behind you one hundred percent,
i stand on weakened ground, but my word will stand strong.
as will my love.

i fought so hard for you for a reason, for so many years,
to many for this not to be worth losing it all over,
im here, ripping myself apart,
bringing that level of self content back down to nothing,

we worked so hard to get me to where i was,
and it all seems like nothing changed,
im scared,

i remember those feelings,
where i had nothing more to turn to,
i lost myself in pills,
i lost myself in my own pain.

but this time,
this time is much different,
the difference is that my heart will never let go of you,
there will never be a thought that doesnt relate to you,

nothing will change whats been done,
we both know this,
i know i can mend that wound, and help it heal.
give you that light, you need.

you know,
i think about us often,
i play scenes form what could be our future in my mind,
i stare into my thoughts, and i see you, with me,
we have that house we always wanted, fence and everything,
we have it all.

i just wish i could show you, in any means,
how much i love you.
im fighting,
im screaming,
im wishing,
im hoping,
im worried,
im lost,
im incomplete,

i just want to hold you like before,
sparkle for you again.
i feel it wanting to burst for you,
can we embrace this chance,
leaving us open to heartache,
for a chance,
a chance that true love,
wont be waisted,

it would be a shame to push this feeling away,
and im full of shame right now,
because i did,
dishonest to my heart and logic,
for a fascination of the past.

reality hit me hard,
i needed it,
i hate that it happened like this,
i wish i could kiss those lips again,
those sweet subtle lips,
so soft,
i study them when you kiss me.
i feel passion rushing throughout me,

i never regretted anything in life before,
i just took it as it came,
but this,
this will never be forgotten,
by you, and by me.

im my own worst enemy,
i will break me like no other.
i will make sure you arent hurting alone,
cause you dont deserve to hurt.

never should you have to be subjected to this,
not by me,
we know,
im damn well better then that.

if we cant see that,
my hope is frozen,
it wont take much more for it to shatter,
you see baby,
when i was at this point of depression and self doubt,
i had you to lift me,
you held me up, making sure i didnt fall.
you bit your lip and grinned and you bared through all the things i put us through,

i look at you as an inspiration,
although its harder for me to rid the bad then bring in the good,
in the end, i still have my head up,
because of you.

we all know,
without you,
there is no me,
and no one,
not a single person on this earth,
could take your place,

i dont want to reflect on the negative,
i want to write my thoughts on you,
what i feel when i think of you,
there is never a moment that is bad,
even at the worst,
its still not that bad,
because in the end,
i have you,

but here we are,
the path is split,
we are standing together,
glancing at the futures each way might take,

my grandma, dear grandma,
she said that nothing makes me happy like you do,
that your the best thing for me,
i sit and i think of how she was,
if you knew her baby,
you would know that means alot,
not just to me, but about you,
so much about you-
that one of the colder people in my life can see the smiles you bring,

i cant give up on something that makes that big of an impact,
never have i been this far in my life,
with who i am,
how i am,
you built me up so high,
i cant afford to fall,
i dont want to do this with out you.

you will never loose that place in my heart,
its always there for you to call home,
please come back to me baby,
i miss the way you used to look at me.

i believe in the hope that you gave me,
im crashing down.
you will not catch me.

i just want you to know, never did i think this was a mistake, never will i.
you made my world, i see color a little better now.

i value everything you gave me, are still giving me,
you have always been what matters most,
and i got lost,
i forgot myself, my morals,
i blew this all,
i wish you could just look at me the same,
and tell me still
sam, it will be alright,

that day will never come.
maybe if i keep this hope i have a chance...
just maybe