good morning love

i sit here, thinking, thinking about everything thats going on. here im uphappy. walking threw that front door drowns me of everything i had. thinking of there, it brightens me. it lifts me so high, as though ill never fall. hes sleeping next to me, his body is so warm, hes so quiet. things dont feel the same anymore. i drifted away. trying to pull back on strings of the past to weave this all back together, but the strings are tangled. one of the knots are to big to untie or even loosen. my heart feels crushed, unsure, lost, even broken. you know that time i told you id let you know when to worry about me, that time is now. struggling with my ways of the past to deal with my choices of the future, i thought they just up and left my mind. never to be thought of again. now i find myself staring off in to the ceiling wishing there was no tomorrow. im being ripped in half. i try to keep my chin up, i said i would try to make it work, but something isnt right. i try to find the words in me to console myself. to just push it all out of me. but its in my nature to keep it bottled. isnt this how i got here? so many steps to climb, wishing i could just skip over every other one. cheat my way threw life. if only there was a easy way for all this. its not you or him that i should concerned about it should be about me, but i have a heart of a moron i suppose. deep inside, i know whats right. whether or not im doing it is not the point right now. the point at hand is for me to take charge of my happiness and then let others follow. maybe then my thoughts will be clear once more.

sitting in the darkened room with all this hurt inside, still after all this. the words i say always end up hurting another. sometimes the truth hurts, but did i really have to post it? we all have our reasons for the things we do. i like to beat around the bush when i explain why i do what i do. avoid confrontation, avoiding heartache.

im searching so hard for the easiest way for the answer, you know, i think i found it. but you see, its hard for me to tell the world. its hard for me to say these words. slowly, it will crumble, and so will some ones heart, and i will be the cause of it. i dont know what hurts more, knowing that, or feeling as i do right now. its simply not enough anymore.

lost in tears, lost in thoughts, lost in memories.

if only i could be more civil, more calm. better with spoken words. if only i knew how to slow down. and if only people knew how to listen. he wont listen. well i end this here. email me. remember i love you always and forever, time is a virtue, it will help us all cope and mend.